


The Weakness In Me

by deebee73



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Infidelity, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-23 06:59:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deebee73/pseuds/deebee73
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sadie knows how lucky she is to have found a guy like Liam.  He's kind, dependable, handsome and unbelievably sweet.  He's everything that she could have ever hoped for.  Which really doesn't explain why she can't stop thinking about Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have not posted any writing in a really long time, so I'm kind of rusty and seriously hope that this isn't awful.

The Weakness in Me

He let himself into the tiny flat and put his bags down by the front door. He moved quietly, not wanting to wake her up. He was halfway to the bedroom when he heard a noise. Something between a whimper and a moan. The kind of noise that might have been pleasure or pain or more likely a combination of the two. He crept closer to the slightly ajar door.

His throat went dry when he saw her. Long tightly coiled black hair spread out against the pillowcase. Candlelight reflecting off her smooth caramel skin. Long legs bent at the knee and spread open wide. Hand working feverishly between them.

He knew that he should have cleared his throat or announced himself in some way. He knew he was wrong to be watching such an intimate and private moment but he couldn’t help himself. He’d never seen anything as beautiful as she looked to him right then. He was positively entranced.

“Oh god.” He could tell she was close by the way she raised her hips off the bed. “Oh god yes. Please don’t stop. Oh, Harry.”

Liam felt as though a bucket of cold water had been thrown on him. He burst into the room. “What the hell did you just say?”

Sadie was so startled she nearly fell off of the bed. “Liam what are you doing here?”

“I just got in tonight and I wanted to surprise you. I think the better question though is what were you doing?”

“You were just standing there watching me while. . .”

“Don’t you dare try to turn this around on me. Not after I just heard you screaming Harry’s name while you get yourself off.”

“Liam, you don’t understand.”

“You’ll get no argument from me on that one. I damned well don’t understand.” Liam turned on his heel and stalked out of the room.

Sadie picked her t shirt up from the foot of the bed, pulled it over her head and followed him.

Liam was pacing back and forth in front of the sofa. Flexing his hands open and closed as though he really wanted to hit something.

“Liam I am so sorry.” 

“Sorry for doing it or sorry for getting caught.”

“I don’t know. Both?”

“How long have you been sleeping with him?”

She stood stock still a look of complete and total disbelief on her face. “I can’t believe you’d ask me something like that.”

“I can’t believe I have to ask you. But I guess this is a special circumstance. It’s not every day that I come home to catch my girlfriend screaming my friends name while she – pleasures herself.”

“Liam. . .”

“Could you please just answer my question?”

“I have never slept with Harry. I’ve never even been alone with him for more than five minutes at a time.”

Liam scoffed. “Harry’s a fast worker. Five minutes is more than enough time for him to wreak all kinds of havoc.”

“Will you just stop being ridiculous? I have never done anything with him. You know that. You know me.”

“I thought I did. So you haven’t done anything yet, but you obviously want to. Is that it?”

“No, that’s not it. It was just a harmless fantasy.”

“A fantasy that didn’t involve your boyfriend. I mean really, what kind of person does something like that?”

“I know you’re upset but you really need to climb down off that high horse.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Sadie?”

“You don’t seriously expect me to believe that you never jack off. Or that I’m the only person you ever think about while you’re doing it.”

“I’ve had thoughts but not of people we both know. Certainly not thoughts of one of your best friends. At least I assume it’s just one. If I’d gotten here earlier would you have been giving Niall a go? Maybe you’d fancy taking us all on at once?”

“That’s it. I’ve apologized. I’ve explained. But I am not going to keep standing here allowing you to talk to me this way. I’m going to bed. If you want to have a mature discussion, you know where to find me. If you want to keep talking to me like I’m the whore of fucking Babylon you can keep your holier than thou ass out here on the couch. Or better yet you can just go home.”

Sadie went into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She laid there for at least fifteen minutes before she heard Liam come in; felt the bed dip under his weight as he sat down beside her.

He turned onto his side and leaned over her. “I’m sorry.” She refused to turn over. “Are you just going to ignore me now? I know I was being a bit of a jerk, but I do think I have a right to know. Why would you ever think about Harry that way? Is it me? Do I not- satisfy you or whatever? Please just look at me.”

The pleading tone of his voice softened her resolve. She turned over and set up next to him. “It’s not that you don’t satisfy me. That’s not it at all. You’re very kind and gentle and sweet when we make love. I couldn’t ask for anything more. But sometimes I like to imagine something a little bit different. I fantasize sometimes about it being a little rough, a little kinky.”

“And that’s what you imagine sex with Harry would be like? Dirty and kinky and exciting. I suppose you imagine Harry swings from the chandeliers. Not the same old-same old that you get with boring old Liam.”

“Do not put words in my mouth Liam. I didn’t call you boring.”

“Didn’t really have to, did you? The implication was certainly there.”

“I can’t win with you. You said you wanted to have an honest discussion about this but now that I’m trying to be honest with you, you’re getting angry with me and twisting everything that I say.”

Liam released a breath and rubbed a hand over his head. “You’re right. I can’t ask you to tell me how you feel and get upset when you do. That isn’t fair. I just need for you to understand that this isn’t easy for me. It’s like all my worst fears coming together and I don’t know how to react.”

“What do you mean all your worst fears?”

“Do you remember what happened the night that we met?”

“Of course I do. You were too shy to talk to me so you sent Harry over instead. It was all very silly but when you did finally come over you were so cute that I didn’t mind.”

“That’s not the way it happened to me. Maybe you don’t remember; maybe you don’t even realize that it happened but you should have seen the look on your face when Harry approached you.”

“What look?”

“That look that everyone gets when Harry is looking at them. That ‘I can’t believe Harry Styles is talking to me’ look. For just a moment before you realized that he hadn’t come to chat you up for himself you looked like a dream had come true. Then when he explained why he had come over, your face fell. Not much and not for long. You smiled when you looked at me and I know it was genuine but for just one second after you realized that Harry wasn’t interested you were absolutely crushed. After that I always kind of felt like maybe if the opportunity presented itself maybe you would rather be with him than me. So imagine how I felt coming home tonight and finding you doing, what you were doing, and screaming Harry’s name.”

She reached out and put her arms around Liam’s neck, drawing him close until their foreheads were touching. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea you felt that way. I love you, Liam. Don’t you know that?”

“I know. I do. It still hurts, though.”

“It will never ever happen again. I promise.”

“And you really don’t have those kinds of feelings for him?”

“No. I told you it was just a fantasy. I don’t really want to be with Harry that way. Real life Harry and fantasy Harry aren’t even the same person as far as I’m concerned. I don’t have any desire to be with him for real.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.” Sadie lay back on the bed pulling Liam along with her. She kissed him. Ran her hands across his back. Caressed his jaw with her fingertips. Hoping her touch could soothe him in a way that her hollow words alone could not.

Sadie didn’t like to lie, but some lies were necessary.

**************************************************

Sadie stood in front of the mirror wondering if she should change again. There was nothing wrong with the jumper, flared mini, and high-heeled booties ensemble she was wearing; she was really just trying to prolong the inevitable.

“Are you almost ready, babe?” Liam called to her through the door. “We should have left ages ago.”

“I’m coming.” She hadn’t wanted to go to the party in the first place so she had procrastinated and put off getting ready until the very last minute.

In the weeks following what she had decided to call ‘the incident’, Liam had said that all was forgiven, but Sadie would have had to be totally oblivious to not realize that their relationship had become strained. She didn’t imagine that being in the same room as Harry would do anything to help. So far she had managed to beg off going to the usual outings and get-togethers that the guys always had but Niall was throwing a party and Liam insisted on going.

Considering how unapologetically co-dependent the five of them were, she was surprised she’d avoided seeing them for as long as she had.

*************************************************

The party was in full swing by the time Liam and Sadie got there, which meant that everyone was either already drunk or well on the way.

She handed her coat and purse to Liam.

“I’ll put these in Niall’s room.”

“Okay.”

“We don’t have to stay long. I promise.” Liam kissed her on the cheek before making his way to the back of the flat.

Sadie stood near the door surveying the scene before her. All the usual suspects were in attendance.

Niall was half in the bag but still destroying all comers on his Xbox. Zayn was sleepily slouched in an arm chair. He had a red plastic cup in his hand and Perrie curled up in his lap. Josh was laid out across the dining room table rapping along to 99 problems at the top of his lungs. Louis was bopping from group to group, telling jokes and fetching drinks. Someone that didn’t know better would have assumed it was his party as he made for a much more engaging host than Niall did. Eleanor was perched on the arm of the couch affectionately watching her boyfriend work the room.

And then there was Harry. Standing off in the corner looking like an aloof golden god. He wasn’t quite six feet tall but somehow he still seemed to tower over everyone else in the room. He was wearing the de rigueur Harry Styles costume of course. Hair carelessly swept under a knitted beanie. Vintage black band t shirt stretched across his broad chest. Hands shoved in the pockets of jeans that were just a little bit too tight. An affable yet slightly bored expression on his face as his wide set emerald eyes scanned the room with casual indifference. He spoke kindly to everyone that spoke to him, but didn’t appear to be going out of his way to start a conversation with anyone. He acknowledged Sadie with a slight nod of his head; a small smile playing around his lips. She gave him a smile in return before she turned and headed over to Eleanor.

“Hey, El.”

Eleanor leaned over and pulled her in for a hug. “Sadie, I’m so glad to see you. I didn’t think you guys were coming.”

“If I’d had my way, we wouldn’t have.”

“Tell me about it.” She swished around the red wine in her glass.

Sadie eyed the drink with interest. “There’s actually wine here?”

“It’s pretty good too.”

“I didn’t know Niall was aware that wine existed.”

“He probably isn’t, I brought it myself.”

“Please tell me there’s more. I am going to need copious amounts of something to make it through this night.”

“I hid the bottle in the kitchen. It’s in the cabinet under the sink.”

“Bless you, my child.” Eleanor laughed as Sadie kissed her on each cheek.

“Go ahead and get a glass then get back out here so I have someone to talk to.”

Sadie cut through the crowd, making a beeline for the kitchen. She located the wine with ease. A glass to drink out of, however, proved to be elusive.

She was about to give up and use a water glass when she heard a deep, raspy voice behind her. “Try the upper cabinet on your left.”

She turned around to face Harry. “How do you even know what I’m looking for?”

“I saw the wine on the countertop. I was assuming that you weren’t going to swill straight from the bottle.” Sadie sighed but turned back to open the cabinet he’d suggested. She pulled down a glass and poured herself some wine. She waited for Harry to leave but he stood there watching as she took a drink. She gave herself a refill then extended the bottle in Harry’s direction. “Do you want some?”

“No, thanks. I'm trying to keep a clear head tonight.”

“Good idea. There should probably be someone here that’s not totally plastered.” She took another gulp of wine. “Clearly, it’s not going to be me.” Sadie let out a nervous laugh and made to leave the kitchen.

Harry moved to stand in front of her. He wasn’t exactly blocking the doorway but he wasn’t exactly leaving her much room to get by either.

“Where are you off to in such a rush?”

“I’m not in a rush. Just thought I’d get back to the party.” Truth be told she was in a rush. She’d never really felt comfortable around Harry. He stood too close when he talked. She was put off by the intense way he stared at her mouth when she spoke. And she was absolutely annoyed by the way he was always quoting the lyrics to that old Beatles song at her: _Sexy Sadie, what have you done? You made a fool of everyone._

More importantly though, in light of ‘the incident’ she didn’t think it would be a good idea for Liam to find her alone with Harry having a chin wag and looking chummy.

“I just feel like you and I haven’t had a chance to talk in a while.”

She was somewhat baffled by that statement as they rarely talked to each other in the first place. “Is there anything in particular that you want to talk about Harry?”

“No. Nothing particular, I guess. Just want to know how you’ve been.”

“I’ve been just fine. How about you?”

“I’ve been good.” Harry looked as though he were trying to suppress a laugh and was having a very hard time doing so. “So, what have you been up to lately?”

“Nothing special.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes.” She released the word slowly; uncertain as to what exactly he was trying to get at.

“Haven’t had any interesting dreams or thoughts or . . . I don’t know. . . fantasies?”

Oh you jackass, Sadie thought. She squeezed passed Harry as she stormed from the room in search of Liam. She found him in the living room playing FIFA with Niall. She threw his controller on the floor and grabbed his arm, pulling him from the room. She pushed him into the bathroom and locked the door behind them.

“What was that about, Sadie?”

“How could you Liam?”

“How could I what? Why are you so angry? What have I done?”

“I can’t believe you told Harry about what happened.”

“I didn’t tell Harry anything.”

“Well, he knows. So which one of those assholes did you tell?”

“I needed to talk to someone.” Liam directed his gaze at the floor; a sheepish look flooding his big brown eyes.

Normally that puppy dog look of his would have worked, but she was having none of it. “Who did you tell?”

“Louis. I wanted some advice. I made him promise not to say a word to anyone else.”

“You told Louis? Louis and Harry are practically sharing a brain. Did you seriously think Louis would get ahold of something this juicy and not tell Harry? What were you thinking?”

“Baby I’m so sorry.” Liam made a move to embrace her but she sidestepped him.

“I suppose they all know about it by now.” 

“I don’t think Niall and Zayn know anything.”

“If they don’t know already it’s just a matter of time. You gossip worse than old women the whole lot of you. I will never be able to look any of them in the eye again. How could you do this to me?”

“I wasn’t trying to do anything to you. I really didn’t think Lou would say anything.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Sadie pushed passed Liam and went out the door. She went to Niall’s bedroom and grabbed her coat and purse from the pile on his bed. Liam came in behind her.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m getting the hell out of here.”

“Don’t leave this way. Let me come with you.”

“Why would I let you come with me when you’re the main person I’m trying to get away from?”

“Sadie, please don’t do this.”

“I’m going now and if you know what’s good, you won’t follow me.” Sadie quickly made her way through the living room, avoiding eye contact with everyone. She ran down the stairs and was halfway through the gate when she heard the door open and close behind her.

“Liam, I told you not to follow me. Just leave me alone.” She whirled around; prepared to give him a piece of her mind, but it wasn’t Liam that was behind her. It was the person she was second least interested in seeing or talking to at that moment.


	2. Chapter 2

“Oh dear god. What do you want, Harry?”

“I couldn’t bear the thought of you out here at night by yourself. Let me walk you back to yours.”

“I don’t need your help, thanks. Besides I think you’ve done quite enough for one night, don’t you?”

“That’s exactly why I’m out here. I know it’s my fault that you left the way you did. I’ll feel like an absolute bastard if I don’t at least make sure you get home safely.”

Sadie let out an exasperated sigh, but she didn’t complain when Harry fell into step beside her.

They’d gone a couple of blocks in complete silence before Harry spoke again. “I’m sorry, you know? I probably shouldn’t have said anything. I imagine you’re feeling quite embarrassed about the whole thing.”

“You think?”

“I just needed to know for sure that it was true. When Lou told me what Liam told him, I thought he was taking the piss.”

“Well, congratulations. Unfortunately it was all too true.”

“I know that now. I just couldn’t imagine it. I always kind of thought you hated me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“You never talk to me.”

“That’s not true.”

“You haven’t said more than four words to me since the night that we met. It’s always ‘Hello Harry and Goodbye Harry,’ that’s all you ever say to me. Liam told me it was just your way; that you were quiet. You get on with Zayn and Niall and Lou just fine but if I walk into a room you find a reason to walk out. You’ve always avoided me like the plague.”

“I don’t mean to.” That of course, was a lie. Sadie did avoid Harry. And it wasn’t just because he annoyed her or made her uncomfortable. Contrary to what she had told Liam; contrary to what she tried to tell herself, she was extremely attracted to Harry. There was something about Harry that was just so overtly sexual; something about him that intrigued her and threatened to overwhelm her senses. She didn’t have any intentions of pursuing anything with him outside of her fantasy life but still thought it for the best to minimize her contact with him. 

“I guess you and I don’t have anything to talk about. We don’t really have anything in common.”

“How would you know that we don’t have anything in common if you don’t ever talk to me to find out whether or not we have anything in common?”

Sadie squeezed her eyes shut as she pinched the bridge of her nose. Harry could spew enough convoluted nonsense to try the patience of a saint. “Harry, I could not be less interested in having this conversation with you right now.”

“Fair enough.”

They settled back into what may have been the most uncomfortable silence in the history of the world. The brisk cool evening air did help to clear Sadie’s head some. By the time they reached her complex, she was still devastatingly humiliated but a little less upset than she’d been when she first left the party. 

 

She made her way up the steps to her building, Harry following closely behind her. She turned to face him. “Thanks for walking with me.” 

“You’re welcome.”

She waited for him to turn around and leave but he just stood there, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “You can go now.”

“May I come in?”

“What on earth for?”

“I need to use the loo.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Sorry. I know you probably don’t want to be bothered with me for another second, but I really need to go.”

“Fine.” She opened the door to her flat and flipped on the lights. She stepped to the side to allow Harry to come in behind her.  
She pointed down the short hallway. “It’s right there to the left.”

“Thanks so much.”

“Whatever.”

She watched as Harry went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. She hung up her coat in the hall closet and kicked off her heels. She padded to the kitchen in her bare feet and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was but she’d drunk half the bottle by the time she heard footsteps behind her. She turned and saw Harry leaning against the counter that separated the living room and the kitchen.

“All sorted?” She asked him.

“Yeah. Thank you.”

“Great.” She gave him a big fake smile. “Now get out.”

Harry took off his beanie and laid it on the counter. He shook his hair out around his head before brushing the messy strands from his forehead with the back of his hand. “Do you think I could trouble you for a drink?”

“There’s plenty to drink back at Niall’s.”

“I know, but I’m absolutely parched. I just need a little something.” His bright pink tongue slid across his slightly chapped lips. He did appear to be quite thirsty but she didn’t think a sip of water was what he was really after.

“You know I don’t think you’ll die of dehydration between here and Niall’s. It’s really not that far.”

“Come on, Sadie. Don’t be that way.”

“I would really prefer if you left now.”

Harry shrugged out of his coat and draped it on the back of the stool he was standing next to; making himself at home as though she hadn’t just asked him to go. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” She shook her head but couldn’t stop from flinching as Harry walked around the counter and came closer to her. 

“I don’t mean to. Would it help if I leveled the field a bit?”

Sadie let out an exasperated puff of air. She was truly in no mood for Harry’s randomness and bullshit. “What does that even mean?”

“It means that you’re feeling self-conscious because I know something intimate about you. Perhaps it would help if you knew something about me as well.”

“I don’t know what kind of game you’re trying to play, but I’m not interested.”

Harry continued to approach her with the slow loose hipped swagger of a jaguar stalking a gazelle. He pulled the water bottle from her hand and put it to his own lips. She couldn’t help but watch the way his Adam’s apple worked as he greedily drained every last drop of water. He put the empty bottle down on the counter behind her and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“What do you want, Harry?”

“I’ve thought about it too.”

“Thought about what?”

“Now who’s playing games? You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“No, I don’t.” 

“I’ve thought about you the same way you’ve thought about me. I tried not to. Told myself that it was wrong; that I was betraying Liam for allowing myself to think that way about his girl. I tried to be good, I really did. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about you. Thinking about what it would be like to kiss you. To hold you. To feel your soft hands on my skin. To feel your fingernails digging into my back while I fuck you slow and deep. I just couldn’t help myself.” He cocked his head to the side as he smiled at her. It amazed Sadie how Harry managed to look like a sweet, dimple cheeked altar boy while saying such absolutely filthy things. “I guess I’m not very good at being good.”

She tried to deny it but Sadie was painfully aroused. A deep throbbing wetness welled up between her legs; a sparking excitement that she didn’t know how to get rid of. Or rather she knew exactly what would soothe the ache but it was something she was trying desperately not to think about.

“I need you to go now.” Her voice was full of desperation but totally lacking in conviction. “Please, go.”

He put his hands on either side of her waist, trapping her against the counter. “When you thought about fucking me, how did it happen? Was it like this? You and me all alone. The lights dim. Standing much too close together. Then maybe I did something like this.” Harry grabbed Sadie by the hips and deposited her on the countertop. Before she could even think of protesting, he nudged her legs apart and stepped into the space between them. He was so close that she could feel his lips moving against her cheek as he spoke. “We can do whatever you want. Anything you’ve ever imagined doing to me or with me; it can happen. Do you want that?”

“Yes.” She was powerless to stop the word from slipping out of her mouth.

“Kiss me.”

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut as she shook her head. “I can’t.”

He moved his hands up her legs, pushing up her short skirt as he went. He leaned in to whisper into her ear. His voice was like honey dripping over broken glass; sweet but dangerous. “You know when I followed you to the kitchen at Niall’s all I could think about was how much I wanted to flip up this ridiculously tiny skirt, bend you across the counter and take you right there.” He let his fingertips skim along the sensitive skin of her inner thighs.

“Do you feel guilty for wanting me?”

Sadie couldn’t bring herself to speak; she simply nodded her head. 

Harry slid his hands from under her skirt and stepped back. He didn’t go far; he gave her just enough room to hop down from the counter and push him away. They hadn’t really done anything yet. He was giving her an out. 

“Do you want me to leave?” 

“I don’t know.”

“Open your eyes and look at me.” Her eyes opened with a sudden flutter of thick curly lashes. Her soft brown orbs, pinned by his luminous green. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No.” She brought her hands up to cup his jaw. She stared at him a moment more before finally leaning in and slanting her mouth across his. It was a harsh, bruising kiss. She’d wanted this too long to ease into it; thought about it too much for it to be sweet or demure. It was a lewd, dirty, messy kiss that left no doubt about what it would lead to.


End file.
